Watching Eggs hit the Windshield

The past few days have seen me through a great breakthrough, which has been awesome. I’m still unsure how this is going to all work out, but I’m fairly certain I’ve taken the right path in ending this friendship. Now I am free to do exactly as I please. As I said to my friends, I never thought I was this kind of a person. Where do I get this power and courage to tell someone my deepest feelings about them? Who is this Grace? This isn’t my life, I’m not this exciting.
But it is.
I feel as though I’ve just done something as crazy and unreal as climb Mt. Sinai on a camel or roam around Italy at 2am. It’s a phenomenal feeling that fills the emptiness I have for losing a friend.
Emotions are like eggs with me, fragile, explosive, and filled to the capacity of their borders. By telling this person how I feel I have put a dozen eggs in the front seat of my car, stopped short and let them collide and fill the windshield, smashing intensely.
I went for a great run today. I don’t run to stay in shape. I run for my mental health. It started when I was five and entered my first 1.5 mile race and won a trophy. From then on, I run to get away from all the stressors in my life- not uncommon. But my favorite running is in inclement weather when I am the only one out there. Flooding Pittsburgh rain, subzero January Steelers temperatures – that’s what I prefer. Today I saw orange, red, and yellow leaves paint the trail walls of Schenley Park.
I picked up my guitar today for the first time in more than a year, and I’m reading Pride and Prejudice at the urging of my Egyptian soldier.
I’m trying to think this is going in the right direction.
Work is certainly interesting; I love fixing lasers.
Today was the 49th anniversary of Bill Mazeroski’s 1960 World Series walk-off homerun. Exciting things do happen in Oakland. If I could go back to any point in time I wish I could have been on top of the Cathedral of Learning to see that eruption of Pittsburgh Pride.
I have been here (the U.S.) for 52 days. We are so rushed in this country; I want to go to another. Maybe they need industrial engineers in Cadiz. Oh how I want to go back. Maybe it is just the journey and the excitement that I miss. Or the mystique of being American or a Steelers fan in a place so far from everything your subconscious has become familiar with.
Lessons learned:
1. Go abroad in the future.
2. You’ve Got Mail isn’t real so stop watching it.
3. Stop pushing everyone away. Independence does not equal loneliness. No one wants to hear how much you miss the world and the ship but that does not mean they don’t care about you.
4. Laughing without self-control will cure all sadness.
5. Buy Stress-relieving Aveno body wash.
Now I must go watch October baseball, it’s one of the best times of the year.